


the irony of choking on a lifesaver

by Mars_and_Moon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Based on an All Time Low Song, Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Fuck She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Prisoner of Azkaban AU, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, honestly have no idea how to tag this without spoilers, just. accept this., no beta we die like every other person in this series, oh yeah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:47:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26973130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mars_and_Moon/pseuds/Mars_and_Moon
Summary: “Faustulus Mars,” Remus said suddenly. The old Marauder code slipped off his tongue easily, like it had hundreds of times before. Here, Sirius should have said: ‘Saxonici Vulpecula.’
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	the irony of choking on a lifesaver

**Author's Note:**

> this makes very little sense, but it's one of my favorite au's
> 
> enjoy

If there was one thing Remus Lupin couldn’t stand, it was the lack of subtlety that Sirius Black had employed in his attempts to avoid the other man. At this point, he was just actively walking out of the room if Remus entered. It was ridiculous, they were adults dammit. Not to even point out the fact that  _ Sirius  _ had dumped  _ him _ , not the other way around. Remus isn’t sure what he had been expecting from the man that hadn’t even bothered to dump him face to face, no, he left a  _ note on their bed _ . Apparently that’s all six years meant to him, a note on their bed that didn’t have an explanation beyond goodbye. 

But this time, this time was crossing the line. Maybe if it wasn’t two nights before the full, maybe it had been that last shot of firewhiskey, or maybe Remus was just tired of bullshit in general he couldn’t have left it alone. Whatever it was, when he saw Sirius walking up to say hello to Mary, only to catch sight of him and make a detour to walk straight into Potter Manor, Remus made a decision. In a very out of character move, he slammed his glass on the table, ignored Mary’s confused questions about whether he was okay or not, and took off after Sirius. 

Not tonight, not at James and Lily’s wedding. Sirius Black did not get to be a drama queen tonight. He didn’t get the last word, or note, for that matter. He stalked, for that’s the only word to accurately describe it, his way to the Manor. That last shot had been a bad idea, but who cared at this point. Remus deserved better than some arrogant bloke and a half-assed break up. He wanted answers, and he was going to get them. 

He managed to find Sirius in the family sitting room, for some inexplicable reason. The man in question had thrown his paten leather jacket over his suit instead of wizarding robes. The jacket that Remus had bought him, the one that had  _ MWPP  _ stitched on the labels. Fuck that. He had the audacity to just sit there on one of the arm chairs, sipping a flute of champagne. Remus’ eyes trailed down when Sirius took a sip of his drink, watching the man's adam apple move when he swallowed. It was an action Remus was intimately familiar with. 

Oh, fuck his traitorous wandering mind. Fuck Sirius Black for being drop dead gorgeous even when he’s an ass. Honestly just fuck this entire situation. 

Remus cleared his throat remembering why he had come here in the first place. The action caused Sirius to jump, but unfortunately his drink stubbornly stayed put in it’s glass. “Sirius,” said Remus through gritted teeth. “I was hoping to catch you alone.” 

Sirius didn’t even bother trying to meet his eyes, instead standing up to make his leave. Anticipating this, Remus cast a quick locking charm on the door. No walking this time, Black. Face the consequences of your actions. 

For his part, Sirius took this set back in stride. Finally giving a Remus glance he put on Fake Smile Number Six, the one specifically tailored for difficult people who didn’t know when to stop. Remus had never been on the receiving end of one of Sirius’ Fake Smiles, and as much as he loathed to admit it, it unnerved him in a way. 

“Enjoying the wedding, Remus?” Sirius asked conversationally. 

“It’s nice,” answered Remus, calmly. “Course, it’d be better if I wasn’t mending my own broken heart.” 

“Ah,” said Sirius in a tone of a man who knew exactly what was about to happen, but was trying his hardest to ignore the inevitability. “That’s rough.” 

Remus couldn’t help it, he burst into laughter. Much twisted than his usual laugh. “That’s it? That’s all you have to say?” 

“Is there anything else to say?” 

“Oh, I don’t know. How about  _ an apology  _ to start off?” Remus snapped, finally running out of patience for the stupid game of casual pleasantries. “Or, and this is just off the top of my head, why not try an explanation?” 

Sirius cocked his head, as if weighing his options, but ultimately remained silent. He took a great interest in the rug beneath his feet, and the spot on Remus’ left. Really just anywhere that Remus wasn’t standing because he’s a douchebag. 

“I’m not doing this,” said Remus. “I’m not playing this stupid game with you. You’re not leaving until you tell what was so wrong with our relationship that you left a note and ran away. You owe me that.” 

“Have you ever considered that maybe it had nothing to do with you, Remus? Maybe I just got bored, or maybe I realized that I was allowed to have a life outside that same four fucking people? Hm?” spat Sirius. 

That wasn’t. 

That isn’t. 

Hey, what the  _ fuck _ ? Since when does Sirius have issues with the Marauders? That was even more out of character than how Remus was acting. The four of them were family first, hearing Sirius through that out the window was mind boggling. 

“Are you feeling okay?” Remus asked in spite of himself. He may have been pissed about a badly ended relationship, but doesn’t mean nine years of friendship just disappear. 

Sirius scoffed. “Oh, you actually care?” 

“My issues lay with your lack of competence in ending a relationship, not with you in general.” Come to think about, Sirius had been acting off for the past few weeks. Remus had chalked it up to stress, or some equally ridiculous excuse. Really, the entire situation was out of character for Sirius. Before he left, he had made no signs that he was unhappy. In fact, it was the literal opposite. At least once a day Remus would catch him staring, and heard the same excuse that he couldn’t believe how happy he was with his life. 

“Faustulus Mars,” Remus said suddenly. The old Marauder code slipped off his tongue easily, like it had hundreds of times before. Here, Sirius should have said: ‘Saxonici Vulpecula.’ 

He said nothing. That wasn’t right, here he says ‘Saxonici Vulpecula,’ and they keep fighting. Remus remembered-- Wait,  _ remembered _ ? This wasn’t a memory, why would he be remembering how it went? More importantly, why was Sirius not talking anymore? He was supposed to say something, he always said something. 

This is going all wrong--it’s, it’s all wrong. Remus knows what happens, what’s going to happen? What will happen? Has this happened before? Fucking hell, what was going on? 

“Sirius, I’m sorry,” said Remus. “I know you’re really you, I’m sorry.” 

The words  _ I’m sorry _ literally rattle Remus. What the fuck? He was shaking, when did that happen? What the hell was going on? Why was he so cold all of a sudden? He gasped suddenly and--

“Lupin,” someone shouts. Fuck, his head hurt. He slowly blinked his eyes open, and everything came crashing back as always. It wasn’t real, it wasn’t real, it wasn’t real,  _ it wasn’t real.  _ James and Lily hadn’t even gotten married at Potter Manor? And Sirius, he hadn’t left until the year after. 

Finally forcing his eyes to stay open, the sight was one he wasn’t soon going to forget. Remus licked his lips, an old habit he never grew out of. Around him, the screams of his fellow prisoners were piercing. And there, in flesh and blood, Cornelius Fudge was standing in front of Remus as much as the cell bars allowed. 

In his left hand was a newspaper.

**Author's Note:**

> azkaban remus azkaban remus azkaban remus 
> 
> please come shout about this au in the comments, or remus lupin in general, comment, kudos, ask me about this au


End file.
